Please ensure Javascript is enabled for purposes of website accessibility



Hi, pod fam! 

To say that 2020 and 2021 have changed my entire perspective on life would be the biggest understatement ever. And just when I thought my world couldn’t be rocked any harder than it had been, the universe said, wanna bet

In this ep, I’m joined by my fiancé Nick to help me talk about the incredible, challenging, blissful, eye-opening spiritual awakening that I went through this August during 3 weeks off from work and social media. We’re talking about how your life’s work isn’t just the job you do, how my Saturn Return completely shook my perspective, how taking a huge dose of psychedelic mushrooms resulted in a world of realizations, and why it’s so important to be connected and present. Let’s get extraaaaaa juicy!

Here’s why I took 3 weeks off.

Okay, I have to start by saying that this beautiful herb community and my job mean the absolute world to me. I am SO grateful for all of you. I’ve been documenting my life on Instagram since 2012 and have been running the Organic Olivia company since 2014. In the last 7 years, I had never taken intentional time off—from work or from social media. And this summer, my body and soul said, GIRL, IT IS TIME FOR A BREAK

After our engagement party (June 20th), I felt like my soul just up and left my body. I was experiencing terrible back pain, I was upset and tense, and I just felt completely disconnected from myself. It was like a sign from the universe that I needed to slow down and keep this moment sacred. Over the next 6 weeks, I was recording podcasts, but I felt like I wasn’t connecting with my guests like normal. It was like the lights were on, but no one was home.

In this time period, I went to visit Julie—an intuitive massage/lymphatic therapist—who took one look at me and knew something was not right. During my session with her, I had a vision of my poor little lonely cartoon heart sitting in this empty room with cobwebs, followed by a vision of a campfire and cartoon bears emulating parts of myself. I knew in that moment that I needed to bring my soul and heart back together. 

It was time to slow down, take a step back, and hold space for myself. I spent the first week of August making sure my team was set up for success without me and prepared to unplug from work and social media for the next three weeks. 

There’s something in my eye…

The night before my first day off, I couldn’t fall asleep. And I (almost) never have trouble falling asleep. I felt like something was in my eye, and it was this irritating pain that I couldn’t do anything to relieve. The next day, the same thing happened. Frustrated, sleep-deprived, and in pain, I finally conquered my fear of the eye doctor by visiting behavioral optometrist Dr. Marni Bessler. (You can read all about my experience with Dr. Bessler here. She’s incredible!)

I learned so much about myself and the way I view the world (literally and metaphorically) from her. For example: I can be nearsighted and a bit self-centered and can have trouble seeing the big picture. But during that appointment, I had a full-blown panic attack over getting my eyes dilated. For the first time, I couldn’t self-regulate, and I panicked over the lack of control in that moment. 

After the appointment, I was lying in bed and I saw my Grandpa Joe (which was super weird because I didn’t have a relationship with him; his memory isn’t kept alive) visit me, and I begged him to remove whatever was stuck in my eye. Guys—I felt this happen. What followed was pure relief. And I have not felt that pain again.

Something I’ve realized in the last year or two is the importance of connecting with your family. Recently, while attending my Uncle Bobby’s funeral, I got to hear about Grandpa Joe, connect with family members I don’t know very well, and get a picture of my family tree. I think it’s so important to know your ancestors—to know where you came from and that you’re part of a whole. 

Themes From My Saturn Return + Psilocybin Mushroom Realizations

Around the time my parents were hospitalized last year (December 2020), my Saturn Return officially started. (For more on the significance of your Saturn Return, check out the ep with Krista and Lindsey of Almost 30 Podcast.) My world was rocked, and my relationships with my parents and myself changed so drastically during that time, but phew—that was just the beginning of the changes I was about to undergo.

I’m still experiencing my Saturn Return, and this time off helped me focus in on the lessons I’m meant to learn right now. Here’s some of what came up during the month of August—with the help of a high dose of psilocybin mushrooms on the last night of my time off: 

Learning how to be less selfish

Like Dr. Bessler pointed out, I tend to hone in on the small details, which can be great for business—I’m great at focusing, and I know I wouldn’t be where I am today without the ability to look at the details. But this can also be a weakness; we all need balance (within ourselves and others). And this tendency to look at the small details and not the bigger picture can make me a bit self-centered, which is honestly exhausting. I’m learning that life is SO much more about other people than it is about me. 

Learning how to be present 

Life isn’t just about work or going, going, going all the time. I’m learning to be conscious about being fully present in the moment. I’m working on truly seeing each person in my life, each piece of nature, and each beautiful moment for what it is. And as soon as you’re present, you can really see the beauty in everything. 

Work isn’t just your job

Work, for me, is helping people that I love, spending quality time with people, and those moments that just can’t be calculated or monetized. During this time off, I spent a lot of time organizing my home, doing laundry, purging, repurposing my items to really respect my blessings, and making these everyday tasks part of my daily joy. In a way, organizing my house helped create space for my mind to organize itself in the process.

Connect to your whole self

This time off taught me to connect to myself, to not put pressure on every moment. I really took care of myself and nourished my soul through self-care, long lunches, reading, drawing, making art, and just doing things that felt good and creative and beautiful.

Greatest Takeaways From This Time Off

I asked Nick—who has such a unique way of witnessing people and holding space—to help me identify some of the biggest takeaways from this whole vision quest journey, and the one that stood out most was an increased desire to take interest in other people and their well-being. I feel like I’m becoming a more active friend, partner, and listener after this experience. Because my life is so much more about the people in it.

Three questions I’m now asking myself when making decisions or speaking or taking action:

  1. What would love do? – Love is selfless and doesn’t include a reward or recognition.
  2. What is my goal? – What am I really trying to accomplish here?
  3. Whose task is this? – Is this really my task to be carrying out right now? 

If you take anything from this episode, I hope it’s this: So much love is possible when you create the space to see more peripherally. 

As always, tune into the episode for allll the juicy goodness in this ep! Be sure to share your thoughts with me on our NEW IG, @shoporganicolivia



Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *